Listening 2 new Kelela tracks and thinking about this road that begins in the middle of nowhere, the embodiment of this blog lol.
I’ve been thinking about the concept of victimhood lately and how i want to shake it off for a while. I need to let my wounds heal… forgive things I can’t keep carrying for much longer. Yesterday I heard a name and it made my heart hurt, my brash words rang silly in my ears and i’m filled with a panic that i’ll never really feel any different to how i feel now.
I guess i want to feel good in myself, and not give in to the restlessness. Soon i’ll b moving house for the 15th time and i’m tempted to drop uni and my job and get outta here (again lol).
This pine forest is beautiful but for some reason it feels sinister… i tried to take a photo of the scattered flowers but the shadows feel dominating to me.
Pat took this pic of me on shrooms, and i feel that this truly shows me as the Mushroom Queen // forest-dwelling girl who guides friends and loves n protects all of god’s creations hehe
17/8
emerge post-operatively for a week of pain n puffy gums. body is soaked in ibuprofen and codeine and the chemicals are making me sick…
5 days no weed and i feel… unchanged. less heavy actually and also don’t feel like smoking at all… hmmm hahaha what happened
the world right now is so heavy i can feel it weighing on me, the last few days my heart has felt like a lead weight.
also i want to be more empowered especially within my own body…
