I been trying to write again after years of lethargy but my mind is whirring between interminable realities that merge and mutate before I can catch hold of them. Right now I am filled with a world of phylum-like objects that were once humans who achieved immortality of the flesh but little else. Their bodies are translucent like moon snail eggs and at nighttime they glow and jiggle like pale jellies. Animal matter degraded down to the molecular level, amorphous cells.

I’ve been thinking about what it would be like if techs like Neuralink rapidly accelerated us into this human bot existence that moved past the attachment to the living body and its vulnerability to the steady violence of time. But would a “conscience” if there is such a thing be something that can exist and thrive outside of a physical vessel? Being split from the manifestation of human existence into mind/body… this thought process seems so rudimentary lol, when my mind wanders too deeply I feel myself hitting against the walls of my own intelligence and ability to see a world outside of this one / a world outside my own comprehension of things.

Almost 3 years since I was in the most beautiful place in the world </3 the space between then and now feels like some kind of rupture or scar. Looking back it feels so unreal to have travelled all over the globe, to have travelled at all // what a blessing my life has been.

new bedroom </3

Last lockdown felt like a necessary space for death n transformation but this time I feel suspended along multiple timelines that instead of staying linear travel in slow circles. Each loop I see versions of myself in various stages of change. Occasionally I catch glimpses of a place outside of this one but it travels on a different orbit to mine.

lately i’ve been thinking about the rigidity of social constructs and how shepherded we are by human behaviour. eg the way I dress and how much thought i put into it, not just in terms of style but in the way it conveys my values n perception of myself. clothing is an implicit language and carries so much meaning due to thousands of years of social exhibitionism, these meanings falter and redefine themselves daily and i cling to them.

living in this moment it feels like the absurdities of capitalism are about to fold in on themselves; a crumbling of ideals that will leave us blinded and baby-like and defenceless to the threat of our own species. i wonder at the thought of these constructs stripping slowly away from our bodies and what will be left behind. i wonder how freeing it would be to live in an infantile society; one in which languages were tied to the self and not ingrained into the fabric our clothes, our homes, our bodies.

pic 6pice 4pic 3

we drove up into fire country to see the damage but instead became lost in a giant cloud, the gums moved like pale ghosts.