Ive been thinking how thinking u are “good looking” is shaped by a lifetime of conscious and subconscious cues from your internal/external social circle. EG I know people who have always been ‘attractive’ from childhood, this being reinforced by everyone around them and they’ve been told that by accepted shared notions of beauty. They’re always super comfy with their being good-looking and have a quiet confidence despite maybe being shy/awkward/anxious etc. These people have no idea what it’s like to be considered ugly and they sometimes treat beauty like it’s subjective/like it doesn’t get u things or make people listen and like you because they’ve never lived without. I know people who were once good looking and have lost that a little but they carry themselves like they’re VIP, like same confidence, same aura of hey I’ve seen things….’ Some people grow up funny looking or chubby, w maybe some pimples and lots of low self-esteem, then eventually they ~ transform ~ and suddenly people are paying all this attention and treating u different. And they don’t know how to act…. (that’s me… never forget year ten me who cut off all my hair and dyed it black… never forget).
I like the idea of beauty being internal and subconscious but I’ve felt how it feels to be considered outside of the spectrum of beauty (only just outside, I kno in ways I have always been accepted simply by identifying as my gender and being born white and without disability) and I’ve also felt how it feels to transition to inside. Like now that my hair is long, skin clear and I’m ten kilos skinnier I matter more. People are kinder to me, and listen for longer. I really don’t know how to think or feel about it tbh