today i heard some1 say “all we really have is our happiness and it’s the most important thing” and i wondered if this was really true… like i don’t think i’ve ever applied that logic in my own life..
I think happiness in a Western sense has come to equate to a kind of sententious life journey/finding of self that is designed pretty exclusively for rich people. i’ve been trying to discard this narrative from within me because honestly i think it’s poisonous.
Since I was little I’ve always wondered if i have de-centred that concept of “happiness”from myself and whether that was some kind of flaw. I mean I no longer see my being happy as some kind of priority. Ofc everyone wants to be “happy” and i do things that make me happy all the time, but i don’t invest in the actual emotion of “happy” because it won’t necessarily come to me even though i take steps that should lead there.
I don’t mean this in a negative way either.. but i do think of the elements of mental illness i’ve struggled with in the past and how they have worked on my brain. The people i feel most close to, and usually befriend, i think might have this same attitude. Kind of a distrust in the concept of happiness, a weariness that can affect their experience of things. Hmmmmm. i wonder what it would be like to have “happiness” as a priority that belied action! Weird thoughts.
Maybe i’m just too high and will read this later and think it’s silly…
That Nowhere Feeling 