17/8
emerge post-operatively for a week of pain n puffy gums. body is soaked in ibuprofen and codeine and the chemicals are making me sick…
5 days no weed and i feel… unchanged. less heavy actually and also don’t feel like smoking at all… hmmm hahaha what happened
the world right now is so heavy i can feel it weighing on me, the last few days my heart has felt like a lead weight.
also i want to be more empowered especially within my own body…
3/8/17
A few heavy days. Grandpa on my Dad’s side passed away, brought back complex feelings about his family and their disdain for my Dad and us. Dad proved them wrong tho in most beautiful eulogy i was proud :’)
Weird medical week of wisdom teeth removal coming up, and scary test results back next thurs :/// just trying not to think about it for now.
Had a nice thought w Laura about a phrase we heard, ‘the sea refuses no rivers’. Idk what it means but to me it’s gonna mean believing in my ideas gently n quietly as i move through places/people. No need to be forceful or insistent, let my self-belief be enough of a statement in itself.
Also lmaoo had to talk to the class about thesis idea and i alienated half the class already talking about weed n ongoing police persecution of minorities/lower-economic background drug users. puff pufff
I take Pat to look over the Shoalhaven River, a place we came a lot as kids. Fluffy clouds sink into the valley and don’t dissipate even when the day is hot and full
experimenting w a new camera, i wonder what the white curve at the base of this photo is…
That Nowhere Feeling 